Once Upon A Time- Episode Analysis (Desperate Souls)

To be honest, I think this is the point when I started to lose interest in what was going on in Storybrooke.  That’s not to say I considered stopping watching the show.  It was just that they were reaching the part when you started saying ‘Okay, we get it now.  Henry’s right about the curse, but he’s not having much luck in getting Emma to believe it.  Can we please pick up the pace, already?’  For example, this episode’s Storybrooke plotline involves Emma and Regina’s stooge, Sidney Glass, both running for the position of town sheriff.  And that’s basically it.  Granted, there is a minor subplot of Henry temporarily losing his desire to fight against Regina’s curse, as well as him doubting that good can win against evil.  And we also see more evidence of how good Mr. Gold is at being a manipulative snake in the grass, what with him resorting to arson in order to make Emma look good in the town's eyes, and how he more-or-less revealed he knew Emma would take the high road and reveal his trickery in the end, which would only result in her looking like an even bigger hero to the people of Storybrooke because not many people were brave enough to stand up to him.

 There wasn’t much else in the Storybrooke plotline for this episde.  So, for a good chunk of the remainder of season one, I was mostly just interested in the Enchanted Forest plotlines.  And the one in this episode was particularly interesting.  We finally are told some of Rumpelstiltskin/Mr. Gold’s Enchanted Forest backstory.  And what a backstory it is.  Not to mention a vitally important one.  

We’re introduced to Rumpelstiltskin’s young son, Baelfire, and shown that they lived during a time of unrest in the Enchanted Forest.  More specifically the Ogre Wars, something that’ll be referenced a few times in later episodes.  It’s clearly a very dangerous time to live in, as young preteen children are being taken away from their homes and families and forced to join the army fighting against the ogres.    There is no logic to doing this that I can see.  Yes, I know the old saying ‘there’s strength in numbers,’ but we’re talking about children who clearly have had no fighting experience or instruction.  For that reason, I cannot blame Rumpelstiltskin at all for his desperation in the given situation.  He knows it’s only a matter of time before the soldiers come to take Baelfire away and ship him off to the front lines, where he’ll be little more than a sheep lined up for the slaughter.  That has got to be any parent’s worst nightmare.  We’re also introduced to the whole mythos of the Dark One, who is basically an all-powerful dark wizard entity, with one weakness- he is essentially tethered to a magical dagger, and if someone possesses this dagger, the Dark One must obey that person.  (Magical control over other people seems to be a recurring theme in this show.  First we get the whole control-through-the-heart-possession thing, and now this.)  

There are some very chilling undertones going on in this episode’s flashbacks.  Dark One Zoso, as we’re able to see by the end, is clearly so willing to be free from his life as the Dark One, he’s even willing to die.  Why else would he put the idea of taking up the mantle of the Dark One into Rumpelstiltskin’s head by filling him in on the whole secret about the Dark One’s dagger?  It really makes you wonder, how horrible must it be to live as the Dark One that you’d be willing to die just to escape from it?  Just think about that for a second.  We do get a brief glimpse of what it must be like at the end of this episode, too.  When Rumpelstiltskin was first starting to consider taking in that power himself, he fully intended to use the power to help people; to save his son’s life and make sure none of the other children in the village had to die.  He clearly wanted to use the power of the Dark One for good.  But, once he actually gets that power, his first act is to commit cold-blooded murder against the soldiers who’d bullied him earlier in the episode.  So much for using the power for good purposes.  It’s like the old saying goes: absolute power corrupts absolutely.  Shame that no one told Rumple that beforehand.

It was also this episode when I actually recognized one of the actors for the first time.  I realize that probably sounds odd, but in my defense, I don’t really watch that much television.  I hold no interest in some of the other big shows with large fanbases like Lost, Game of Thrones, and I’ve only seen one or two episodes of How I Met Your Mother.  In a way, I kinda prefer it this way.  With few exceptions, I typically know actors by the name of the character they play, not by their real-life names.  When I really get into a show, I tend to have a slight difficulty in seeing the actors from that show in another role.  For example, I cannot see Fran Dresher in anything without thinking of her as ‘the flashy girl from Flushing.’  But in this episode, we are briefly introduced to the guest-star character, Zoso, the original Dark One.  The instant I saw him, I knew I’d seen his face and heard that voice before.  After a few seconds, I realized why- it was Brad Dourif, who I knew from his role as Saavedro in Myst III: Exile.  But in this case, I think it’s great that I recognized Zoso as Saavedro, even though I kept half-expecting him to start calling Rumple Atrus, (the main NPC in the Myst series).  In the game, Saavedro was a man who had all but completely gone insane because he believed his family and people had all died, and he’d spent I don’t know how many years alone and isolated with nothing but painful memories to keep him company.  While fans of the show have yet to learn anything about the character of Zoso, I can only imagine the horrors he’s seen.  Because of his role as Saavedro, I ended up incorporating some of Saavedro's traits into Dark One Zoso- borderline insane from his experiences and desperate for an escape, regardless of what it would take to achieve that.  Doing so only ended up helping enhance my appreciation for what happened in this episode.

Once Upon A Time- Episode Analysis (The Heart is a Lonely Hunter)

Wait…. So…. Graham just…. died?  Well, that was unexpected.  Seriously, it took me a while before that final scene properly registered in my mind.  The fact that they’d kill off a character so early in the game?  Dang, show.  You don’t mess around, do you?  Even though Graham wasn’t a regular character, he was still a likable one, particular after seeing his Enchanted Forest backstory, which reveals he was the Huntsman who Evil Queen Regina hired to kill Snow White.

I am very much fascinated by the fact that Graham’s true memories are triggered upon kissing Emma.  Henry’s theory for this is because he spared Snow White’s life during his life as the Huntsman, and if he hadn’t, Emma would never have been born, which meant that they shared a connection of sorts.  That’s a good theory, but it probably didn’t hurt that Emma, as we’re told later, is The Product of True Love.  And in this show’s reality, the whole True Love’s Kiss thing is a very potent curse-breaker.  And before you ask, no, I’m not suggesting that Graham was Emma’s true love.  If he had been, I’m fairly certain that their kiss would have restored everyone’s memories, not just Graham’s.  However, notice that Emma seemed to be developing an interest in Graham, someone who we saw believed in the importance of having honor during his life as the Huntsman.  For those of you who have seen the show in its entirety so far, what other character is rather big on being a man of honor?  Could this count as indirect foreshadowing?  I honestly do not know.

I might as well start addressing the big elephant in the room now.  More specifically, the relationship between Graham and Regina.  As I said before, that relationship is disturbing and uncomfortable in general.  But after this episode, it’s even more so, as we see Regina literally had Graham’s heart in her possession.  As we’re told in later episodes, possessing someone’s heart means you’re able to control that person.  The person whose heart is being held captive must obey everything the person who holds the heart says.  They have no choice.  There’s only one conclusion to be made here.  The trysts between these two were not even close to being consensual on Graham’s part.  Yeah, there’s no other way to say it.  Regina was raping Graham for practically thirty years.  And that fact is made even more uncomfortable to process when you remember how, once Graham made an attempt to break away from this relationship, Regina goes off and kills him by crushing his heart.   (Personally, I think Regina chose to do what she did not just because of Graham attempting to end things between them, but also because she realized that he was starting to regain his memories and she couldn’t afford to have him informing the other Storybrooke residents of the truth.  Still, murder is murder, no matter which way you slice it.)

And this is probably the animal-lover in me; I also feel horrible for the Huntsman’s wolf friend.  Just think about it for a minute.  This wolf had been the Huntsman’s constant companion for who knows how long.  It's even briefly hinted that they may have grown up together.  When the curse hits, they’re obviously ripped away from one another.  Once the curse is broken and everyone in Storybrooke finds a way to return to the Enchanted Forest, that wolf is never going to be reunited with his human friend.  Just think about how many stories there are about dogs who mourn the passing of their human owners.  In fact, over in Japan, there’s even a statue dedicated to a dog named Hachiko who waited faithfully at a train station for nine years, waiting for his owner to return home from the University of Tokyo where he worked as a professor.  The poor dog never knew that his owner had died from a cerebral hemorrhage while at work.  And the bond between the Huntsman and his wolf was clearly even stronger than that between a dog and his human owner.  Ugh, that poor wolf!!!!!

One last question.  Gold, what were you doing, digging around in the woods?  We know you well enough to know you never do anything without there being a reason for it.  Were you burying something?  Were you trying to locate a specific item?  Seriously, do they ever explain that, or is this one of the unsolved mysteries this show presents us with?

Once Upon A Time- Episode Analysis (That Still Small Voice & The Shepherd)

That Still Small Voice

Oh.  OH!  This episode was…. UGH!!!!  Poor Jiminy!  Poor Geppetto!  That…is just…indescribably horrible!  No joke, my heart was just bleeding for these two at the end!  Especially for Jiminy.  I can’t imagine how terrible it must have been for him to live with the guilt over what happened to Geppetto’s parents!  It really was bad luck that he got stuck with such scavengers for parents.  But… how did he get involved with Rumpelstiltskin in the first place?  There's this one scene where he’s just doing some work for him out of nowhere.  Okay, how’d that happen?  Where’d you two even meet?

So, when Emma first entered into Storybrooke, the electrical wires above her head started to spark.  When she got a room at Granny’s Bed and Breakfast, the old clock tower started up again.  Now, when she takes up the job as Sheriff Graham’s deputy and puts on the badge, the mines underneath the town go boom?  Okay, that’s certainly interesting.  What would have happened if she’d actually bought a house in Storybrooke town limits during the course of this season?  Would the animals in the surrounding woods start a conga line?  …..No…..no that’s just silly.  Forget I even entertained the thought.

We also see more development between the amnesiac David and Mary Margret as David recovers from spending the last 28 years in a coma.  Those two have such great chemistry.  Even if I didn’t recognize them as Snow and Charming, I would probably still love watching those two together.  It probably doesn’t hurt that these two characters are portrayed by a real-life couple.  We also get more bonding time between Mary Margret and Emma as they talk about the whole issue of Mary Margret falling for a man who is supposed to be married.  (Which reminds me- I want those s’mores, Mary Margret!  Gimme some!  Please?  They look so good!)

You know, Regina, if you really wanted Henry to stop thinking you were up to something, maybe, instead of going with your usual tactic of brute force and threatening people, perhaps you might try, I don’t know, being nice for a change?  Cause, you’re not really giving Henry a reason to not think you’re the Evil Queen at this point.  The more you try to impose your way on him (like bullying Dr.Hopper/Jiminy into forcing Henry to stop believing that everyone is really a fairy tale character), the more he’s going to run off and put himself in dangerous situations.  Like running off into a collapsing mine to find physical proof of the curse, for instance.  It was great, however, to see you sorta-kinda working with Emma to save Henry’s life.  It’s a nice testament of things to come.  Although, I get Regina isn’t at that point where she can accept that yet, so it’s not too surprising that she went right back to brushing Emma off again the minute Henry was safe.  Still, a simple thank you wouldn’t have killed you, Regina.  You’re not the only one who cares about Henry.  Deal with it.

Of course, we also get that groan-worthy ending, where we see that if Henry had been able to travel further into the mine tunnels, he would have found the remains of Snow White's glass coffin, which would have been the perfect bit of proof.  Not since the many scenes in An American Tail, when we see Fievel could have been reunited with his family so many times if someone had just bothered to turn around have I felt the need to scream so much.

The Shepherd

So David/Charming’s origin is revealed in this episode.  Also, we get a whole new meaning to the phrase ‘evil twin.’  Turns out, David/Charming was part of a set of identical twin boys born to a peasant woman.  The oldest of the twins was given as a ‘gift’ to King George, who had no heir of his own, by Rumpelstiltskin as part of some sort of deal.  The older twin, whose name was James, grew up to be a strong warrior, but was arrogant and prideful.   In order to obtain gold for the kingdom when it began losing its wealth, King George made a bargain with King Midis (yes, that King Midis).  If Prince James could slay a dragon that was terrorizing Midis’ kingdom, King Midis would reward King George with countless riches.  However, when Prince James’ arrogance got him killed before he could even face the dragon, King George had little choice but to recruit Prince James’ twin, the man we all know as Prince Charming, who had grown up as a simple shepherd.  A plan is devised to have Charming pose as his dead brother for the sake of image, but while he will present the dragon’s head to Midis, it is to be King George’s army who really do the fighting.  But of course, the knights fail to even lay a scratch on the beast, with pretty much all of them dying pretty horribly, leaving Charming to utilize the skills he gained as a shepherd in order to successfully kill the dragon, in David and Goliath fashion.  (Seeing this backstory really makes me think Prince Charming more than deserves to have his Storybrooke counterpart named David.)  And of course, as this flashback wraps up, we’re shown how Charming is being forced to continue his charade as Prince James and marry Midis’ daughter, with King George blackmailing Charming with his birth mother’s life.  (Come to think of it, what exactly WAS Charming’s real first name?  Do they ever reveal it?  I know he said I was James back in the episode when he first met Snow, but this episode seems to indicate he only adopted that name after he was forced to impersonate his brother.  So, what did his mother call him beforehand?)  Our last glimpse of the past shows Charming and Princess Abigail riding off together, en route through the woods, where we all know Snow White is lying in wait to ambush their carriage.  As King George said, ‘On the road to true love.’

 Meanwhile, in Storybrooke, David is out of the hospital and trying to adjust to life with his ‘wife’ Kathryn, but as Henry surmises, his time spent in a coma and subsequent amnesia is preventing the curse from giving him false memories.  His deep connection with Mary Margret/Snow White is also throwing him for a loop, making it hard for him to connect with Kathryn, and possibly making him able to unconsciously resist the curse’s effects.  History really does repeat itself.  Of course, his subconscious memories of his true life also lead him into falling prey to the curse’s power in the end, when he sees the windmill model that supposedly sat in front of the house he was supposed to share with Kathryn and it connects with his memory of the one that stood in his birth mother’s farm.

There’s not much more that’s worth talking about in this episode, sad to say.  Emma finds out about Sheriff Graham’s trysts with Regina.  More foreshadowing to how Regina lost someone she loved.  It is interesting to note that this marks the first time David ever interacts with Emma and Henry, even though you don't get the feeling he feels the same draw to Emma as Mary Margret did.  However, David  was seemingly drawn to the unicorn mobile in Mr. Gold’s shop; the one that should have hung over Emma’s crib had the curse never happened.  So, that does count for something.

Once Upon A Time- Episode Analysis (The Price of Gold)

Okay, really now, people. If you’re going to sign a contract, READ IT FIRST!!!!!  It’s one of the first rules of common sense!    If you don’t, this is the sort of crap you might end up dealing with!  Anyway, this episode plays around with the fairy tale of Cinderella, and it’s also the one that really introduces Rumpelstiltskin’s mantra of ‘magic always comes at a price.’  I remember the first time I saw this episode, I had a real mind-blown moment when Rumpelstiltskin kills the fairy godmother.  Really wasn’t expecting that to happen.  On the other hand, I was reminded strongly of the original tale of Rumpelstiltskin I heard as a child; specifically the whole firstborn-child-as-payment thing.  But… why did he want Ella’s kid to begin with?  Especially since we learn later on that there was already someone else’s child he was trying to find (i.e. his own.)  Or was it because he knew somehow that threatening to take away Ashley/Ella’s daughter would be what ultimately leads Emma to agree to do him a favor at a time of his choosing?  If that’s the case, that was a bit too premeditated, don’t you think? Yeah, I know that this is a guy who is supposed to be an expert at planning things out, but it still seems a bit too much, even for Rumpelstiltskin. I also do wonder how Snow White and Ella knew each other to begin with.  Their interaction at the wedding reception, not to mention Prince Charming and Grumpy’s attempts at helping Ella save her unborn child, suggests they had a nice little friendship beforehand.  Will we ever see how they met?

                      

One of the underlying themes in this episode was taking a stand and proving to others that they are wrong about you.  When meeting the pregnant 19-year-old Ashley, who is having severe doubts that she can handle taking care of her baby, Emma is very quick to reach out to her, telling her that even though everyone is telling her that she won’t succeed, it will be her choice, and hers alone, that will determine if they’re right.  It’s a really poignant scene, especially when we realize Emma was also talking about herself here.  She’d just been confronted by Regina, who was rubbing it in that Emma has never stayed in one place for longer than two weeks, insinuating that it’s only a matter of time before she does the same thing and leaves Storybrooke.  Also, it’s rather interesting how Emma comments to Ashley that there are no fairy godmothers in this world, considering who Ashley's fairy tale counterpart is.  (It’s also in these opening scenes that we learn Emma was 18 when she gave birth to Henry, and that she’d spent a period of time in Tallahassee.  Those facts will be important once we get into the midpoint of season 2.  Have I mentioned I love continuity?  Because I do.)

Speaking of undertones, I can’t be the only one who noticed the undertone to Henry and Emma’s conversation in the beginning of this episode.  The part when Henry was telling Emma he needed something to call her for Operation Cobra?  Was it just me, or was that his subtle way of asking Emma if he could start calling her ‘Mom?’  If so, that really brings new meaning to Emma saying ‘you can just call me Emma, for now.’  Not to mention Henry’s ‘I’m not sure you’re ready yet,’ which further indicates that’s exactly what he was thinking.  Yeah, this whole episode was really about Emma starting to take up the mantle of Henry’s mother, and nothing will convince me otherwise. 

Can we all talk about Mr. Gold’s comment to Emma, about how he doesn’t want to see Ashley's baby being born in jail?  Um…guy?  Were you aware about how such a statement might strike a chord with Emma?  Or was that just a coincidence?  I never can be too sure with you.  Although, his later comments to Emma in the hospital make me think he did know, in which case….you sneaky, manipulative little…UGH!

It’s also in this episode where we first learn of Regina’s secret flings with Sheriff Graham, which is a bit disturbing to begin with.  Although, that whole relationship will get even more disturbing/uncomfortable in a later episode, particularly once we see who Sheriff Graham’s Enchanted Forest identity is.  I’ll elaborate on that a little later on.

Once Upon A Time- Episode Analysis (The Thing You Love Most & Snow Falls)

Because the analyses for the next two episodes are rather short, I'm going to combine them in one post.

The Thing You Love Most-

So, first it was don’t drink the water in Mexico, now it’s don’t eat the apples in Storybrooke.  Good safety tip; thanks, Henry.  Anyway, in this episode, quite a bit of stuff happened.  We learn of how Regina went about casting the curse in the first place, including how she got it from Maleficent (who had originally obtained it from Regina at an earlier point in time in exchange for the sleeping curse Regina used for the whole Poisoned Apple incident) and how it was apparently created by Rumpelstiltskin.  We’re also shown how she even ended up killing her own father, whom she did love, (why else would she end up naming Henry after her father?) in order to complete the curse.  Which begs the question, what kind of woman would willingly sacrifice someone she loved in order to achieve her goal?  It’s in that basic question we’re given the chance to see how desperate she is to obtain her victory over Snow White.  Regina even briefly hints at her reasons for her actions in this episode’s flashbacks, even though we’re not yet told exactly what happened between these two women.  However, I do wonder who exactly were those other people who helped Regina cast the curse in the first place.  Like the blind old hag or the black-bearded gnome (who is now apparently spending eternity as Regina’s garden ornament).  What exactly was their story?  The world may never know.

Meanwhile, in Storybrooke, Regina really goes out of her way to try and force Emma to leave town, from trying to get her lackey Sidney Glass, dig up the dirt on Emma’s past to an underhanded frame-job by forcing Dr. Hopper to willingly share Henry's therapy files with her and then claim Emma had stolen them.  Unfortunately for her, the lengths she goes to only make Emma even more determined to stay.  Seriously, lady, did you ever read Order of the Phoenix?  You remember the part when Hermione commented about how Umbridge forbidding all Hogwarts students from reading the issue of The Quibbler that featured Harry’s interview was the best way to ensure everyone would read it?  The same thing applies here.  The more you try to drive Emma away, the more you are convincing her that she needs to stick around.  (You would think the fact that Emma went after Regina’s apple tree with a chainsaw would have tipped her off.  I know that scene made me think ‘Wow!  Remind me never to get on your bad side!’  But nope, I guess it didn’t.)  And the fact that you intentionally dragged Henry into your schemes only further cemented Emma into staying.  You’ve just proven to Emma that you might just be a threat to the kid she’s starting to care about.  Seriously woman, Sheriff Graham even told you that it might be a good idea to ease up and change tactics.  Try listening to the advice of the people around you for a change.  Ever think you might be happier in the long run if you did?

Also in this episode, we see two things happening that were only briefly touched upon in the pilot episode.  The first of these two things is the growing bond between Emma and Mary Margret, the latter of which has yet to remember their true connection.  In spite of that, Mary Margret is still able to sense that she can trust Emma and helps bail her out of jail after being set up.  The second is the subtle way Mr. Gold, Rumpelstiltskin’s Storybrooke identity, shows himself as the cunning serpent he is.  Yeah, Gold, don’t even try to act like you don’t know  exactly what’s going on here.  We all saw your reaction to hearing Emma’s name in the last episode.  We know you’ve maintained your memories from the Enchanted Forest.  Don’t pee on my foot and tell me it’s raining.

This episode is particularly noteworthy for introducing Emma’s fondness for cinnamon in her hot chocolate, something we quickly find out is a trait she shares with Henry and Mary Margret.  So, was that just something they put into the show to further illustrate the family connection between these three characters, or is that something that’s going to come into play in a much later episode.  Like, is cinnamon going to end up being the key ingredient in a life-saving potion or something?  After all, the brief research I did on the spice does suggest it has medicinal properties.  Then again, maybe I’m just reading too much into it, and the whole love of cinnamon is just an ongoing joke, like the Pineapples in the USA show, Psych and the whole ‘it’s bigger on the inside’ thing from Doctor Who.

Snow Falls-

Oh, this episode!  I think this is the one that really got me into the show.  This is the episode that shows us how Snow White and Prince Charming first met, and it’s a WAY better first meeting story than having the pair instantly falling in love by just hearing each other sing by the wishing well.  (The fact that the animated version of Snow White’s singing voice is capable of making ones ears start bleeding is beside the point.)  By the time the Enchanted Forest plotline for this episode ended, I was sorely disappointed that they stopped there; I wanted to see the story of Snow White and Prince Charming continuing on for much longer.  What made the episode even more enjoyable was seeing the parallel story occurring in Storybrooke, which perfectly complemented the Enchanted Forest plotline.  Mary Margret is seeking companionship from the opposite sex, but isn’t having much luck, as shown by her horrible date with the guy we’ll eventually know as Dr. Whale.  (Ugh. It’s such a dirtbag move to leer at someone else while you’re on a date.  I don’t care if the girl you’re looking at is wearing an outfit as revealing as Ruby/Red Riding Hood.  I get that jerks like that exist, but why even bother agreeing to go on a date with someone if that’s all you what you want to do?)  However, the day after the bad date, Henry, while visiting the hospital as part of the Storybrooke’s school program of visiting hospital patients, comes across a comatose patient and surmises, based on the man’s chin scar, that this is Prince Charming’s Storybrooke counterpart.  I admit I was grinning like a loon seeing Mary Margret ‘connecting’ with her soulmate when she didn’t remember who he was, and how, even when unconscious, Charming still can sense his true love’s presence.  He even slept walked to the location of the T(r)oll Bridge, where they first began to form a solid connection.  That is just indescribably awesome.  These two people were so in love, even when their memories of each other are locked away because of the curse, their subconscious minds still recognize each other.  It’s no wonder these two are considered the very essence of True Love.  And let’s not forget how, when Charming/David was reunited with his ‘wife’ Kathryn (Princess Abigail’s Storybrooke counterpart, whom Charming was originally going to join in an arranged marriage with prior to meeting Snow White), he still maintained eye contact with Mary Margret/Snow.  Oh, the parallels!  I can’t even begin!  As for Regina, while I did like seeing her back off a bit from her tirade against Emma, which was prominent in the last two episodes, this episode began my season-long habit of yelling ‘GO AWAY!’ at the screen every time she appeared.  Believe me, I get how she can’t stand the thought of Snow being happy and all, but come on lady!  Still, it is a bit chilling to see how she’s got the whole town in her back pocket, and how everyone reports to her immediately after anything happens.  Last episode, it was Archie calling Regina after he gave Emma Henry’s files.  This time, Dr. Whale calls her up when a change in Charming/David’s brain activity is detected.  Henry wasn’t kidding around when he said the whole town’s afraid of her.

One question.  So, the bridge Snow and Charming fought the trolls at was transferred into Storybrooke’s town lines.  But we clearly saw trolls living there.  And we did see a dragon flying by in the pilot episode, when Regina's curse was rolling in, as well as Maleficent's pet unicorn that we saw last episode.  Which means there were other mythical creatures living in the Enchanted Forest, right?  What happened to these mythical creatures when Regina’s curse hit and created Storybrooke?  Were they spared from the curse, or did they all become inanimate objects, like Regina’s gnome garden ornament?  If anyone has any thoughts on this topic, I'd be glad to hear them.

Once Upon A Time- Episode Analysis (Pilot)

Yes, that's right.  I'm still alive.  I deeply apologize for the long inactivity.  (Thank you, work and social life.)

I've decided to try something a bit new for a while. I've recently became a fan of the ABC show, Once Upon a Time.  

If you haven't given it a chance, I highly recommend you do so.  At the moment, the show is in the middle of the hiatus between seasons 4 and 5.  To pass the time before the season 5 premiere, I'm going to go through each episode and give my personal opinion on them.  That said, please keep in mind that these analyses are coming from someone who has seen the series in its entirety to date, so there might be some minor spoilers popping up here and there.  I will try to keep these to a minimum, and even when they do pop up, I won't be giving away too much.  In addition, I'd like to apologize in advance if I don't really go into thorough detail for some episodes in season 1.  This will be because season 1, while entertaining, can hit moments where the storytelling drags somewhat, leaving you wishing they'd pick up the pace a bit.  So, without further ado, here is my analysis of Once Upon a Time's pilot episode.

This episode is pretty much what you’d expect from a show’s pilot episode, from setting up the premise and introducing us to our cast of characters.  We learn of how Snow White’s stepmother, Evil Queen Regina, placed a curse over everyone in the Enchanted Forest that sent them all into the modern world, more specifically the town of Stroybrooke, Maine, with everyone losing their memories in the process. However, on the day the curse is cast, Snow White and Prince Charming send their newborn baby girl, Emma, through a magical wardrobe that sends her to a location outside the curse’s reach, in the hopes that she will return one day and save everyone.  Flash-forward 28 years later, where Emma, now fully grown, is sought out by her long-lost son, Henry, whom she put up for adoption ten years prior.  Henry, who had since been adopted by Regina (oh, the irony), has figured out the truth about Storybrooke, and convinces the skeptical Emma to journey to Storybrooke herself so she can break Regina’s curse.  This show really doesn’t mess around, as we’re immediately shown what we’re in for from the start.  Pretty much every character we’ve known from our childhood bedtime stories just comes to life in this show.  We’ve got Snow White and Prince Charming, of course, but we’ve also got Geppetto and Jiminy Cricket, with cameos of Red Riding Hood, Pinocchio and the Blue Fairy.  Even Rumpelstiltskin makes a brief appearance, and all it takes is one episode to let us know that this show is really going to build on and flesh out the fairy tale characters nearly every child in the world has grown up reading about.  And it’s really neat to see how everyone, even though they’ve forgotten who they are, still retains a semblance of their true selves.  For example, we have Geppetto’s Storybrooke counterpart, Marco, commenting about how he and his wife never managed to have children of their own, which was the main reason why Geppetto made Pinocchio in the original story.  Even Snow White, now Mary Margret, has managed to keep her tendency to spout speeches about the importance of hope.  Not to mention her affinity to birds.  Although, I do have one slight nitpick.  In one scene, Snow White comments how Regina gave her the Poisoned Apple just because Snow was prettier.  But, as anyone who has seen future episodes could tell you, the reason for the Poisoned Apple was a bit more complicated than a vanity issue.  But I get it.  The show writers don’t want to give away too much at once.  I can respect that.  Besides, it’s the pilot episode.  Pilot episodes are designed to gain endorsement from the television networks that will run the show.  They’re typically used as a test to gain a feel for what works and what doesn’t.  It’s not unusual for some minor elements to change after the pilot episode.  In fact, there are a good number of shows that never make it past the pilot episode.

I also REALLY love how they chose to introduce Emma in this episode, showing us how she busts that guy, Ryan the Embezzler.  Great job show, for immediately letting us know this is a woman you do not want to mess with.  I nearly broke out laughing when we see she’d put the boot on Ryan’s car prior to entering the restaurant.  Yeah, she already KNEW this guy was most likely going to do a runner when she confronted him, and decided to nip that in the bud, just in case.  You’re good, girl.  Props to you.  And that whole scene with her and Henry when the two are talking about their family situations?  That was a very well-acted scene. I always admire  actors who can cry on cue, and it gives us our first real glimpse of how deep Emmma’s scars run when she tells Henry the story about how her first foster family returned her when they had a kid of their own.  Which begs the question of how such a thing is even allowed to begin with.  Granted I know very little about the whole foster system, but we’re talking about living children with feelings here.  They’re not coffee tables.  Seriously, how is returning a kid like a dress that didn’t fit even legal?

I do have a question after re-watching this episode.  So, time in Storybrooke is frozen.  Does that mean that everyone in Stroybrooke is literally frozen in time?  If that’s the case (and the second episode claims it is), I really can’t blame Henry for figuring out what’s really going on.  Later episodes also seem to hint at the fact that there haven’t been any children being born in Storybrooke, and the children that do exist in the town are stuck at certain ages.  In other words, I’m gathering Henry is the one person in town who is actually physically aging?  While I imagine the curse is keeping everyone else from noticing that fact, with the exception of the two people who were actually involved in the actual spell-casting (Regina and Mr. Gold/Rumpelstiltskin), Henry was born outside of Stroybrooke, and therefore isn’t affected by the curse’s memory-altering side-effects. The kid’s clearly not stupid, so he’s bound to notice that and get suspicious.

Bit of advice to Regina.  If you really wanted Emma to leave Storybrooke, which I get that you did, given how you clearly felt threatened by her presence, it probably wasn’t the best move to spout out that whole ‘stay away from Henry’ rant.   Even if I hadn’t already seen the proof that Henry was right with all his fairy tale talk, thanks to all the flashbacks?  You coming out of nowhere with that little hissy fit; I still would have seen that as the big robot saying ‘Danger, Will Robinson!’  Seriously, where did that come from, lady?  Emma wasn’t really giving any indication that she wanted to take over as Henry’s mother at this point.  All she did was comment on how she’d made a wish that she didn’t have to be alone on her birthday, and that Henry had shown up on her doorstop immediately afterward.  In fact, I sorta think she would have left Storybrooke on her own if you had just thanked her for returning Henry and left it at that.  I hate to tell you this, Regina, but you really did kinda dig your own grave there.

One interesting little touch I really enjoyed about this episode was the door to Emma’s apartment in Boston.  If you pause the DVD to read the words on the door right before she opens it and meets Henry for the first time, you’ll see phrases like ‘cast a spell’ written on it.  

You gotta wonder if Emma unknowingly chose this apartment specifically for that reason.  Almost as if the knowledge of her true identity was buried away in her subconscious mind all along.  Rather like with Rapunzel from Disney’s Tangled remembering the sun insignia that was essentially her parents’ royal crest, or Moses from Dreamworks’ Prince of Egypt remembering his mother’s final lullaby.  And while you really can’t see it very well in this episode, screencaps and promotional photos from other episodes also show that Emma has a tattoo of a flower on the inside of her wrist.  A flower that is practically identical to the flowers that appear on the Charming royal crest.   There’s one more clue that Emma’s memories of her birthplace was buried away in the farthest corner of her mind all along.  Also, when Emma and Henry first arrive in Storybrooke, when Emma slams the door of her car in frustration, one of the electrical wires above her head suddenly sparks.  A little subtle foreshadowing to her currently dormant magical abilities, maybe?  That’s certainly going to be my head-cannon from here on in.

Of course, there was one thing in this episode that still kinda bugs me.  So, Snow White’s stepmother places a curse over all of the Enchanted Forest fairy tale land, and everyone in it winds up in our modern world with absolutely no memory of who they really are or where they came from.  All right, I’ll buy that.  Besides, it’s not too dissimilar to the plot of the Disney movie, Enchanted, and that was a pretty good movie.  You wanna know what I don’t buy?  Henry, a little ten-year-old boy, is wandering around a big city by himself.  At night.  And he’s carrying around a credit card.  And the taxi driver who gives him a ride to Emma’s apartment doesn’t question this?    Okay, where do I even begin?  First off all, what ten-year-old carries around a credit card?  There’s your first red flag there, and I do award the show points for acknowledging that later on.  But there’s also the fact that he’s alone, with no parent or babysitter in sight.  That sort of thing might not be as big a deal in a small town like Storybrooke, but this is happening in Boston.  That’s a pretty big city.  Maybe not as big as New York or Los Angeles, mind you, but it’s still in the top 30.  It’s even more of an issue that this is happening at night.  I’m considerably older than ten, and even I’m hesitant about traveling the city streets at night without utilizing the buddy system.  You’re seriously telling me this cab driver didn’t see this situation for what it was and take that kid to the nearest police station?  I’m calling horse-feathers here.  However, I’m probably being overly-critical because, that grievance aside, this first episode did its job and got me interested enough to keep watching, just to see what happened next.

Movie Review: My Father, the Hero

                There comes a time when you come across a movie that, after seeing the trailer or hearing the premise, you think will be utterly stupid.  But then your friends will come along and practically force you to go see it with them.  And once you've seen it, you realize that the movie wasn't as bad as you thought it would be.  In fact, a part of you has to admit that you actually enjoyed it.  The movie I’m reviewing today…. isn't one of those movies.  This movie is among those that are actually worse than you were imagining them to be.  What’s even more amazing is that this movie is actually labeled as a comedy!  Well, is a comedy still a success if you’re laughing, not because you found it funny, but because you’re left wondering why people found it funny?  Unfortunately, I really don’t know the answer to that question.   So, what movie am I talking about?  It’s the 1994 movie released by Touchstone, My Father , The Hero.

When I read the plot synopsis for this movie on the DVD case, I immediately knew it was worth reviewing.  I mean, we've got this teenage girl who’s on vacation with her divorced father, and her idea of impressing her crush is to spread around a story that her dad is really her boyfriend posing as her father?  Okay, I admit it’s been a while since I was a teenager, so perhaps I simply have forgotten how the teenage mind works, but if you’re going to impress a guy, why exactly would you make him believe you were currently in a relationship?  If he was even worth your time and attention, he would most likely respect the fact that you’re ‘unavailable’ and back off, labeling you as off-limits.  If any guy continued to hit on me after I told him I already had a boyfriend, I’d be worried I was possibly dealing with an arrogant misogynist or something very similar.  Not only that, the whole issue of an adult dating someone half their age is a controversial subject at best.   The very fact that this teenage girl would go about telling people that her father is actually her boyfriend without any regard to how it would affect her father made me seriously dislike her from the get-go.  But, seeing as how some people seemed to like it, I decided to try and give it the benefit of a doubt.

                So, we open with Andre, the above-mentioned father, taking a taxi from the airport to the New York apartment owned by his ex-wife, Megan, in order to pick up their teenage daughter, Nicole, for their father/daughter vacation, which they have been planning for a year.  Needless to say, this movie doesn't mess around and we’re immediately shown just what kind of people we’re dealing with in this film.  First off, Andre arrives with a little gift bag carrying what I’m guessing is supposed to be a present for Nicole.  What does the ex-wife, Megan, do with it?  When she goes into the kitchen area, she throws the gift bag out.  Now, I obviously can’t confirm this, but seeing as how we never saw what was in the gift bag, I’m seriously left wondering if Megan purposely threw out the gift bag with Andre’s gift still inside it.  I suppose there is the chance that Nicole got the gift when Megan briefly steps into her room, but Megan was only in there for a few seconds, so I highly doubt it.

                We then do get one normal scene when Andre and Nicole greet each other.  It’s a very believable moment of interaction between a father and daughter.  Unfortunately, the pleasant moment is ruined with the reappearance of Megan, who found one of her jackets in Nicole’s room.  Immediately, Nicole shifts into a complete whinny brat, accusing her mother of invading her privacy and whatnot.  She even straight up insults her mother, calling her the b-word.  Now, if I ever spoke to my mother like that, I would have gotten a well-deserved slap across the face, but all Nicole gets is an order to apologize, which she refuses to do.  One would think this would result in her getting grounded and her trip with her father getting called off.  Guess what? Nicole is still allowed to leave with Andre, leaving her blatant disrespect go completely unpunished.  Great parenting skills in action here, folks.  Golf claps all around.

Out on the street, Andre tries to help load Nicole’s bags into the waiting taxi.  What does this very likable teenage girl say?  What else but ‘give me the bag, Andre.’  So, now she’s ordering her father around without so much as a ‘please’ and ‘thank you.’  Plus, she’s calling her father by his first name, snootily stating that all her friends do the same thing.  What kind of friends does this girl have?  How many people do you know who won’t call their parents ‘Mom and Dad’ or some variant of that.  The only exception I can think of is if it’s a step-parent or something.  But that’s not the case here.  Andre is Nicole’s biological father, so there’s no legitimate excuse for Nicole calling her dad by his first name here.   At that moment, Megan hurries out of the apartment building, telling Nicole that she didn't get a goodbye kiss.  Immediately, Nicole is all smiles and hugs, complying to her mother’s request.  At this point, I was laughing out loud at the sheer insanity of the moment, wondering if anyone else in this particular family were diagnosed as bipolar off-screen.

                At the airport, Andre attempts to get a jumpstart on family bonding by buying drinks from an airport bar for him and Nicole.  However, instead of showing any form of gratitude, Nicole turns her nose up at the Shirley Temple Andre got her, stating she’s almost 15 and doesn't drink them anymore.  Okay, Nicole, you’re nearly 15.  So what?  I’m pretty sure you’re still on American soil at this point, where the drinking age is a bit higher than that.  There are only a limited number of non-alcoholic mixed drinks out there, so deal with it.  Anyway, Andre takes this all in stride and gets her a different drink.  His efforts are rewarded by Nicole getting a real snotty ‘I just swallowed a lemon’ look on her face and, in an incredibly rude tone, she asks Andre if he invited the woman working at the airport bar to come on their trip, too.  She then proceeds to run off, stating she doesn't want to go anymore.  

Okay, seriously!  What is this girl’s problem?, I could sort of comprehend the reasons for her malfunctions up to this point, even though I think they all called for a serious scolding or something along that line, but this one came completely out of nowhere!  It wasn't as if Andre was blatantly flirting with that woman.  He was just getting drinks for him and his daughter.   What does Nicole want?  For her father to never speak to anyone lacking a Y-chromosome?  More importantly, why does Andre want to spend time with her, anyway?  I know she’s his daughter and all, but so far, she’s being a really ungrateful stuck-up little brat.  Is Nicole supposed to be a teenage reincarnation of Verruca Salt?

                Anyway, we now flash-forward to Andre and Nicole arriving at a resort in the Bahamas.   While her father checks in at the front desk, Nicole catches sight of a young lifeguard-looking boy, and is obviously smitten.  However, that’s not enough to keep her from complaining to Andre about how there’ll be nothing for her to do on the island, even though she can clearly go swimming and lounge around on the beach.  That’s something teenagers like to do, right?  Lie around in the sun, hoping to get a tan?  But I haven’t even got to what she does when they reach their room.  Nicole, seeing there’s only one bedroom, insists that she’s a grown woman and can’t be expected to sleep in the same room with a stranger.  Andre points out that he’s her father, not a strange man.  “You just don’t get it, Andre,” Nicole retorts.  No, Nicole, of course he doesn't get it!  I don’t even get it!  What, are you looking to punish your father because he lives overseas and are angry because he never spends time with you?  Guess what?  That’s what the whole point of this vacation is!  For you and your father to get to know each other again!  And you know what else?  15-years-old is not grown up.  And even if it was, you’re certainly not acting like a grown woman at all.  No, you are acting like a three-year old throwing a tantrum.  Also, you’ll never guess how this scene ends.  Nicole actually forces her father to sleep on the couch.  Andre, I know you want your daughter to have a good time on her trip, but you are still the parent, and she’s the child.  There comes a time when you have to put your foot down.

                The next morning, Andre actually does step up to the plate somewhat when he sees Nicole chatting away to a cabana boy by the pool, which activates his ‘keep away from my daughter’ instincts, something that pretty much every decent father on the face of the earth experiences at some point.  His innate protective father gene goes into overdrive when he sees that Nicole’s bathing suit leaves a good portion of her derriere on display.  Of course, Nicole dismisses Andre’s legitimate concerns by saying he should stop overdoing the fathering because it’s ‘not impressing her.’  Oh, I get it.  Every time my father put his foot down and issued discipline on my brother and me, he was just trying to impress us.  Thanks for clearing that up for me, Nicole.

                Sometime later, Nicole’s down at the beach and runs into the boy who caught her eye in the hotel lobby.  He informs her that it wasn't a smart move for someone her age to come to that section of the beach, particularly with high tide coming soon.  Nicole tells the boy that she’s really 18, and, when asked if she’s here with her parents, she states that she’s really here with a friend.  What follows is a bunch of filler scenes with Nicole and Andre interacting with the other tourists.  When night falls, the pair go to a party were she runs into the boy again.  It’s here were we get the big lie scene, when she tells the boy, whose name is Ben, that Andre’s really her boyfriend, but he has to pretend to be her father because she’s really 16 and the laws prohibit relationships with a minor.  Like I said before, I see absolutely no logic to why she would tell anyone that story.  Last I checked, a lot of young adults go on trips with their parents.  Sure, the teenager might get embarrassed by their parents from time to time and pretend they’re not related, but you don’t see any of those teens telling people they’re romantically involved with their parent.  But at this point, it’s rather clear that Nicole only thinks about herself, so I’m no longer surprised by her behavior, and how she’s not the least bit worried about the possibility that the lie has reached the ears of the other locals.  Which, of course, it has.  Oh, and Nicole doesn't stop there.  When she runs into Ben again during a walk along the beach, she tells him that she was a runaway who stole in order to support her addiction to heroin until she met Andre, who saved her from a life on the street.  At this point, I was once again wondering what was going on in this girl’s head.  First, she’s telling this guy that she’s dating Andre, now she’s telling him that she was a drug addict.  Maybe I should try using that a pickup line sometime, because it apparently works, as evidenced by the fact that Ben now is convinced Andre’s taking advantage of her and decides to do what he can to ‘rescue’ Nicole.

                In the morning, it becomes clear that everyone on the island has heard Nicole’s lies and now, believing Andre is some kind of pedophile, are treating him like a leper.  Not only that, but when Ben volunteers to man the speedboat when Andre rents skis to go waterskiing, he purposely drives the boat in such a way that Andre is placed into danger again and again.  At one point during this scene, Andre is almost run over by a passing boat, and only escapes serious injury or death at the last possible second. Oh, yeah.  This is really hilarious.  Nicole’s lie almost got her father killed.  Ha, ha, I’m laughing so hard, my sides are splitting.  Now, one would think that seeing her father’s life being put into jeopardy like this would force Nicole to wise up and actually start telling the truth, but while she does tell Ben off for endangering Andre, she still won’t come clean.  People, this movie is really making my brain hurt.  So much so, that I seriously considered ejecting the DVD from my computer and never speaking of it again.  It was only the knowledge that I had to complete this review that kept me going.

                Okay, so let’s press on.  Once again, when night falls, there’s another party going on, because, well, this is a resort in the Bahamas.  They have to do something to keep the tourists entertained, right?  Nicole is still in a snit from the water-skiing incident, and even gives Ben the cold shoulder.  Andre, noticing his daughter’s mood, finds confidence in Diana, another tourist and probably the only one in the whole stinking movie who is actually kind to Andre.  Diana provides Andre with a little guidance, saying that Nicole probably just wants what any young woman wants: a little bit of romance.  All Andre can do is be there for her when she needs him.  Diana then proceeds to invite Andre to a Tropical Tiki dance on Thursday, a ‘date’ with no pressures or expectations.  After brief consideration, Andre accepts the invite.

                Meanwhile, Nicole has spotted Ben has reentered the party location, this time with another girl who he proceeds to dance with.  As Ben starts dancing with this other girl, he turns to look right at Nicole, as if taunting her.  Oh, Ben, come on.  Are you really going to pull that childish ‘make her jealous’ card?  We've already established that Nicole is the queen of childishness.  And this is once again proven when Nicole, deciding to counter Ben by using the ‘two can play at this game’ card, immediately walks over to Andre to start dancing with him while glaring at Ben over her father’s shoulder.  Until Ben starts placing small kisses on the other girl’s face, and Nicole storms off in a huff, leaving Andre understandably confused.  Oh, I could go on for hours about this scene.  I realize that these two people are teenagers, and will therefore act like teenagers, but I really cannot stand it when people try to play these kinds of mind games by trying to make each other jealous.  It’s particularly annoying here, because Ben is all ‘I can’t believe Nicole blew me off!  I’m going to start dancing and kissing some other girl.  Then, she’ll be sorry.’  At no point does he seem to acknowledge that Nicole blew him off for a reason. She was still mad at him for recklessly endangering Andre.  For those of you who don’t see how utterly ridiculous Ben is acting in this scene, imagine this scenario: Boy forgets Girl’s birthday, Girl gets angry at Boy and punishes him with the silent treatment, Boy gets affronted and goes to the prom with someone else.   Who would act like that?  No one!  Because it’s bloody stupid!

                And on that note, it’s time for the next scene.  It’s apparently the following night, as Nicole and Andre are wearing different clothing, and are being told by some of the other tourists that it’s talent night.  As they sit at their table, Andre confides in Nicole his issues with Isobel, who he hasn’t been able to reach because of her being ‘out of town.’  Oh, who’s Isobel, you might ask?  Well, apparently, she’s Andre’s lady friend, whom Andre had been trying to call frequently throughout this movie.  Only, she’s not out of town like Andre suspects.  We've clearly seen from previous scenes that Isobel was indeed home when Andre was calling.  However, she simply ignored his calls every single time.  Nicole, however, seems to know something is up, and she tells Andre that Isobel is playing him because she wants to marry him.  Andre pretty much shakes his head and insists that Isobel  is a nice woman and wouldn't act like that.  Um, sorry Andre, but as much as I hate to admit it, I’m in agreement with your bratty daughter in this case.  However, you’re probably right when you claim that Nicole and Isobel would get along.  After all, they’re both women who’ll act like a rotten little snot to get their way.

                Unfortunately, Nicole then proceeds to loose me again.  When she asks Andre if he loves Isobel, he says he thinks he does.  Well, according to Nicole, this means he will definitely marry Isobel and have other kids.  With that said, Nicole claims to have a headache and leaves, refusing to stay for the show. After leaving  the talent show, Nicole runs off to find Ben in order to tearfully tell him “I hate [Andre].  He’s a horrible man.”  

Nicole?  What. On. EARTH. Is. Your. Problem?  First, you’re going around acting like you don’t want to be there with your father, and now you’re acting all wounded because he might enter into another relationship that might produce a new kid or two?  To be fair, Nicole’s claim that being in love automatically leads to marriage does seem to be on par with a teenager’s mindset.   From what I remember of those years, young people think love is all you need to make a marriage happen.  What does a teenager know of conflicting values, priorities and beliefs?  Most teenagers might not realize that marriage is a serious commitment and that it requires a lot of work on both sides.  However, Nicole is obviously old enough to know that a parent doesn't stop loving their children when new ones come along.  Isn't that something a toddler would think?  Then again, perhaps I've just forgotten that Nicole is extremely self-centered and spoiled.

                Anyway, the talent show commences, and the various tourists all go up and perform their acts, from dancing to acting out movie scenes to telling jokes.  Finally, at Diana’s urging, Andre goes up to play a song on the piano.  Upon reaching the stage, one of the tourists in attendance requests that Andre play something French.   Okay, something French, huh?  Let’s see, what song could Andre chose to sing?  Perhaps  La vie en rose, a song that’s widely recognized?   Maybe Je l'aime à mourir, the classic Francis Cabrel song?  He could even sing Alouette, a French Canadian children’s song which, despite the rather disturbing meaning behind it, is probably something everyone who went to a public school had to learn at some point.  Nope.  The song Andre chooses to sing is Thank Heaven for Little Girls, a song that came from the American musical comedy, Gigi.  Okay, first of all, even though Gigi took place in Paris and was based off a novel written by French author Sidonie-Gabrielle Colette, the song itself has no direct ties to France.  In fact, the people who wrote the song  for the movie Gigi were Frederick Loewe, an Austrian-American composer, and Alan Jay Lerner, and American lyricist and librettist.  Neither of those men were French.  Which means the song Thank Heaven for Little Girls is as French as French fries!

                Oh, yeah, and all that aside, remember how everyone thinks that Andre is a pedophile thanks to Nicole’s lies?  Yeah, well Andre’s choice of song has officially cemented that assumption into everyone’s minds, and all the tourists storm out of the talent show hall, except for Diana, who is now just as confused as Andre over what everyone’s problem is.  So, after that little disaster, Andre returns to his resort room to find Nicole is missing.  When he starts searching for her, he sees the resort’s band standing around and, suspecting Nicole is somewhere with the cabana boy he’d seen her flirting with earlier in the movie, particularly after he’s told that the boy in question is ‘with some chick.’ Instructs one of the band members to take him to the cabana boy’s house Well, obviously, the ‘chick’ in question is not Nicole.  Once again, Andre asks then where Nicole is, and they tell him that she’s probably with Ben.

                We then shift back to Ben’s house, where Ben, obviously still believing that Andre is Nicole’s boyfriend, is telling her to leave him.  He even offers to hide Nicole on his father’s boat.  At that moment, Andre arrives to look for Nicole.  Ben immediately goes over and, after refusing to let Andre in, punches him in the nose.   Seconds later, Nicole appears and stops the fight before running off, with Andre hurrying after her.  When he catches up to her, Nicole starts whining and moaning about how Andre doesn't love her anymore and that he’ll run off to marry Isobel and forget all about her.  She then proceeds to tell Andre about the time when he missed her 13^th birthday because he was sick.  According to Nicole, she went over to his hotel with some soup, but instead saw a perfectly healthy Andre getting off the elevator with Isobel.  Thus, Nicole realized that Andre had lied about being sick and chose to spend time with Isobel instead of coming to his daughter’s birthday.  And after hearing that story, I think this is the only time in this whole movie when I actually felt bad for Nicole.  As for Andre, he apologizes to Nicole for that day, and tells her that he could never forget her and that he loves her more than anything in the world.

                A short time later, Nicole finally does something right and tells Andre about the lie she’d spread, about how Andre was actually her lover instead of her father.  To his credit, Andre’s reaction is strikingly realistic, and he flips out on her.  He instructs Nicole to tell Ben the truth, but Nicole insists she can’t do that because she’s in love with Ben, and that he’ll hate her if he finds out she was lying.  Well, I’m sorry Nicole, but you do kind of deserve to have him hate you, especially after all the crap you've pulled so far.  Besides, Nicole’s only known this guy for a few days, and those few days have been spent with him swallowing her lies, being downright nasty to Andre and trying to make her jealous by getting all lovey-dovey with some other girl.   How can Nicole even think she’s in love with this guy?  Ugh, maybe I just have to keep reminding myself that she’s nearly 15 and as a general rule, people that age typically aren't emotionally developed enough to properly distinguish between a teenage crush and genuine romantic love.

                Believe it or not, this is when the movie REALLY starts getting stupid.  I know, I can’t believe it either, but things actually get dumber than they've been so far.  When morning comes, Nicole wakes Andre up, informing him that Ben is on his way over and that she wants Andre to continue acting like he’s Nicole’s boyfriend.  That’s right, Nicole has not only neglected to tell Ben the truth, she wants her father to knowingly play along with her lie.  Now, one would think that Andre would man up and refuse to tolerate this.  After all, he’s the parent and she’s the child, so its Andre’s responsibility to ensure his daughter learns to take responsibility for her transgressions and whatnot.  But no.  Andre actually indulges his daughter by not setting Ben straight.  You know what? I don’t care if this is just a movie.  I expect the movies I see to have characters that are actually believable.  There is absolutely no way that I would believe that a parent would willingly pander to their kid’s immaturity by feeding their lies, particularly when it’s this big of a lie.  Any real parent would yank Nicole into the room and insist that she start being honest with Ben.  But maybe Andre is living under the delusion that maybe Nicole will finally come clean once he leaves the two alone together.  Guess what?  Nicole doesn't fess up.  Instead, she feeds Ben ANOTHER lie, telling him that Andre’s dying from a rare African disease and that she needs to stay with him for his final days.  And once again, Andre neglects to act like the responsible parent and allows Nicole to call the shots by pretending to be bedridden from his illness.  

However, that night, after Andre attempts to contact Isobel, who once again deliberately ignores his phone call, he has a heart-to-heart with Diana, filling her in on what Nicole has been saying about him.  A sympathetic Diana consoles Andre’s feelings of failure by assuring him that he’s a great father to Nicole.  I’m sorry, Diana, but no he’s not!  I can’t let this go.  A good father would remember that his job is to ensure his children grow up right by teaching them dishonesty is not generally acceptable.  They don’t cater to the child when they’re off spreading lies, particularly lies of this magnitude.  Well, at least some good comes of this heart-to-heart with Diana.  Andre vows that since Nicole won’t take responsibility for her mistakes, he will personally make sure the boy knows the truth.  Finally, we’re going to see Andre acting like the competent parental figure he….he’s not going to go through with it is he?

                NO!  NO HE DOESN'T!  The very next scene has Andre regaling Ben about some kind of war wound he got while serving in the military in some Russian war.  Please tell me this movie is almost over!  Please!

                Anyway, Nicole, being the little snot that she is, starts yelling at Andre for taking Ben’s attention away from her.  Once again, Andre instructs Nicole to tell Ben the truth, but Nicole once again says that it’s too late, and that Ben will hate her if she comes clean now.  Andre tries to reassure her, stating that he wouldn't hate her.  Why not, Andre?  Are you saying that no one could possibly hate Nicole?  Because I've hated her from the very start.  Once again, Nicole asks that Andre help her along with her lies by acting like a fool in front of Ben so he will no longer feel intimidated around Andre and start paying attention to Nicole again.  Andre consents by being rubbish at playing tennis, golf and windsailing.  However, Nicole’s plan fails when she and Ben later see Andre playing the piano, prompting Nicole to remember how Andre used to play for her before she went to sleep at night.  This leads to Ben, seeing in her face how much she cares for Andre, leaving Nicole a note saying that it might be best for them to never see each other again.  Nicole is devastated, but I’m not sure what she expected would happen.  

The next morning, Andre is out on the porch when one of the lifeguards runs over to him, informing him that Nicole is in danger.  Apparently, she went out windsailing, ignoring the lifeguard’s warnings of strong currents, and is now unable to return to shore.  When Nicole falls into the water, Andre immediately dives into the water to swim out to save her, but gets a cramp before he can reach her.  Thus, it is Ben in his speedboat that makes it to Nicole first.  Upon realizing that Andre is also in trouble they then steer the boat over to him as well.  In a panic, Nicole calls out to him, calling him ‘daddy.’  Ben, hearing her call Andre that, instantly figures out the truth.  Thus, when he sees Nicole again at a market, he brushes off her attempts to apologize, telling her to just stay away from him.  Trying to get back into Ben’s good graces, Nicole then proceeds to try and write him a letter with Andre’s assistance.  At night, the pair sneaks over to Ben’s house and, after breaking his window to get his attention, Nicole pleads Ben to meet her at the dance.  With Andre acting as her Cyrano de Bergerac, Nicole spouts off this whole romantic spiel about how much she loves him.

                At the dance, Andre essentially snubs all the tourists who treated him like a pariah. (Speaking of which, do they know the truth now?  It’s never stated.)  As for Nicole, she starts to think Ben won’t show up, but then when she starts to give up, Ben finally makes his appearance.  The two go off to take a walk on the beach where they share a kiss.  After witnessing this, Andre makes his final attempt to call Isobel, who once again continues to ignore his phone call.  Until Andre mentions that he’d like to marry Isobel, prompting the woman to fly off the chair and pick up the phone.  The two continue to discuss their upcoming marriage, with Andre stating he wants to have a daughter with her.  Which means Andre is willing to potentially go through this whole crap-fest again.

                Someone PLEASE tell me where this movie came from?  I know I said it before, but it’s worth repeating.   How do people find this movie funny?!  It’s really terrifying!  It astounds me how mean-spirited this movie could get at times.  There was not a single thing in this movie that was remotely funny.   I actually felt really uncomfortable at times.  The really scary part is that there are no real repercussions for Nicole’s self-centered lies.  Throughout the whole movie, she acted like a spoiled brat who never gave a thought to how her actions were affecting others, particularly her father, and yet, she still gets exactly what she wants.  I suppose we were supposed to be rooting for her, hoping that everything would work out for her in the end, but I never felt like that. Not once.  I didn't want to see her wind up with Ben, or make up with her dad.  I don’t think she deserved to get her way.  Just think about it for a moment.  Not only did her lies make practically everyone on the island think Andre was a pedophile and therefore treat him like something disgusting on the bottom of their shoes, it could have destroyed Andre’s entire life.  Any one of those people who heard and believed Nicole’s lies could have gotten Andre arrested and left with a permanent criminal record, which would have followed Andre around for the rest of his life.   His professional reputation would have been in tatters, making it almost impossible for him to find a job anywhere.  Even if that never happened, it still doesn't change the fact that her lies came very close to getting Andre killed.  And if that wasn't enough, Nicole never tells Ben the truth willingly.  The only reason her lies came out was because Nicole had a slip of the tongue.  So obviously, Nicole never intended to tell Ben the truth.   This movie could have been salvageable if they had Nicole finally show a lick of maturity and publicly admit the truth to everyone.  That ending would have at least showed that Nicole had learned something from all of this.  As it stands, however, I seriously doubt Nicole learned anything good.  On the other hand, perhaps she does deserve Ben after all.  After all, we've all seen how Ben will knowingly endanger someone’s life and, like Nicole, is not above utilizing petty and childish mind-games to get his way, as we saw when he started dancing and kissing that other girl to try and make Nicole feel jealous.  As was said in Big Girls Don’t Cry, They Get Even, a rather entertaining family film from 1992: Brats of a Feather.

                If anything, I just feel bad for Andre, but even that has its limits, particularly since it’s pretty clear that he allows people to treat him like a bloody doormat.  When he finds out about Nicole’s lie, he doesn't lay down the law and make sure she takes responsibility for her actions, he actually plays along with her.  That aside, he is seriously planning to marry Isobel at the end, even though we've clearly seen that Isobel is a manipulative hag of a woman who only gives Andre her attention when he lets her get her way.  Even the ex-wife, Megan, who we briefly saw at the beginning of the film.  I’m still convinced she knowingly threw away the gift bag with Andre’s gift still inside it.  You've got to wonder about Andre in this case.  He seems inexplicably drawn to horrible unlikable women who will take advantage of him without any remorse.  You know what this reminds me of?  It reminds me of one of the well-known symptoms of abuse victims, in the sense that some of them actually start to feel affection for their abusers.  I seriously think that’s the case with Andre.  He’s gotten so used to the women in his life constantly manipulating him, he’ll give them everything they want and no longer even attempts to stick up for himself.  Even in the last line of the movie, he’s telling Isobel to make sure the kid they’ll have together is a girl, which, to me, indicates that he wants the cycle to continue and will allow this new potential daughter treat him as horribly as Nicole and Isobel have.  The only good thing I can say about this is the fact that I made it through this film with at least some of my sanity intact, and that after today, I never have to sit through it ever again.  And thank Heaven for that.